#iamenough

today, as i was picking out what picture to post of jeffery and me from last night on our date, i had to laugh at myself. here i was judging a picture on what i should be sharing with the world, when really it's only a few people from college, old classmates, some new and old friends and family. they don't really care, let's be honest. but for some strange reason i did! i never hangout with these people or talk to them except for the select few that i cherish. so again, why do i care? they don't know what was going on during my day. the fun moments that i got to experience or the crappy day that i ended up having. but i had to make it a perfect picture so that everyone could see how much fun i was having with my husband. i could've posted a goofy, unedited, poorly light picture and people still would have gotten the clue. "oh how nice, jeffery took julia out on a date." and they would have kept scrolling. the end. that's all. only my super close friends or my mom would've asked me what we did, how did it go. only they would be interested to know the #BTS of my date. and that's what i care about! right?

wrong. not completely wrong. but not completely truth either. i still would've thought is that the right picture? the right caption? did they notice how good my hair looked? (i did just get a new hair cut, so that's crucial you know) what about the background? that looks like a cool spot right? ugh. so much weird things to think about over one picture that people will look at for a matter of 3 seconds. i can't be the only one that does this?! if i am, well welcome to my crazy life. but i know i am not alone. girls do this. all girls. and those that don't, are happy. are happy with them, that one moment, and the picture.

i had a great time with jeffery last night. he had been gone for 2 weeks and he just got back the day before. so i was excited to just be out with him! and we went on a triple date to get sushi downtown, so like it was an awesome date! as soon as we got in the car i was already trying to pick a picture (face palm). i was using my quality time with my husband on my PHONE!!!! another ugh. but in my head, it was ok. i wanted people to see that i was having fun with jeffery. but i was on my phone, i don't think that is very fun for him. uhm and super lame. i caught myself and decided to put the phone away. for what like 20 min. i did this realization about a dozen times i bet. checking my phone. putting it away.

this morning. what did i do? check my phone. hangout with jeff and olivia. check my phone. i think you get it. going through my phone i was looking at pictures we took last night and thinking how fun it was. welp, time to post a picture right? ugh. found the one i wanted, but of course i had to edit it. WHY?! we already looked good, it was everything a picture should be really. and a selfie to add to it. when i was editing i telling myself that i wasn't good enough to show you who i really am with my husband. who i am with my husband is my best self. and here i was trying to change my appearance. i would say it was for you, but really it was for me. sad.

it totally sucks that we are in the constant demand of knowing and seeing the "perfect" or "unperfect" lives of other people. will it change? probably not. but maybe someday when we are old and "grandma-like" and wise we will understand it. for now we are going to have slowly catch ourselves when we do this to ourselves. the world is already telling us that we need to keep changing to be who they want us to be. in my book, i say that is incredibly lame. (my book is really good)  we are enough. i am enough. you are enough.

so i am going to end this on my perfect moment with my sweet husband from last night. and say that this is enough. hashtag it, or else it's not real. (haha that's a completely different venting session.)

#iamenough